pergamond: ([Futurama] Bender // Applause)
It has been a life-long ambition to produce the GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL. Except you know, written in Canada .... by a Brit. There are those who have suggested becoming an astrophysicist was not the way to go about this. Their points largely focus on the difficulty of placing the word 'physicist' with 'socially perceptive masterpiece' in the same sentence.

They may have been right.

I realised my galaxy simulations were not making the cut. What I needed was a topic everyone could relate to. One full of inner meaning, gut wrenching suspense and satisfactory endings. Then it came to me:

Toilets.

Are not these white porcelain bowls of glassy water a key part of every person's day? Moreover, are there not some days when it is a positive highlight to be near one, if only because there is a 50% chance the person you are trying to avoid is not allowed to follow you into the restroom? You may laugh, but not for long because:

BOOYAH! I won the Leap Local Travel Story Competition[*]!

For toilets. Yes. Japanese ones to be precise.

I admit that a 500 word article perhaps can't be classified as the full classic novel, but with an expansion into different plumbing across the globe, I think I can easily expand it to rival all 7 of the Harry Potter novels. Just think of the movies!

The editor of Leap Local reported what a couple of the judges had said about my piece. One, an American author, commented:

"Informative, witty, focused. Author understands that a single slice of pie reveals the taste of the whole. We see all of Japan in these metonymical toilets."

..... I'm really hoping I still have friends in Tokyo after this.


[*]Leap Local run a website (and newsletter) that contains recommendations for travellers in different countries. People contribute tips for accommodation, eating, site seeing and other services that might not necessarily be found in a standard guide book.

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May 2013

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